I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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