nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
