Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Floor bacon is actually really good
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
