what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Randomize
