the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
