is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
