the day after is always just damage control
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
