U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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