Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
