Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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