I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize