so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
