6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
