It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I would fuck him just for his dog
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
