do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
