how do flat chested girls get laid?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
