buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
