if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
