i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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