I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Randomize
