YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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