Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
