she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
