Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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