I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
