let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize