She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
