my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
