just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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