What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
