Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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