just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My ass is underappreciated
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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