I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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