Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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