I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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