I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
