I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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