Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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