he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
