if i can run in heels then i can drive
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
