You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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