i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
