I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
