It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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