He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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