Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
