We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
