Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
