corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
