Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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