Life is so much better after having sex.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
