Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
