I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
