My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
