Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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