ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
