the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
