There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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