so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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