she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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