i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
