i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize