So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
