The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
