something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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