I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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