Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
