From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
