margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Your penis caused this!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
