Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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