Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
