the ceiling is raining jello shotss
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
