I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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