i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
