I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
