Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
