A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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