I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
