I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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