Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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