Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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