I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
