just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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