Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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